Murderer
by Detective-Inspector-Me
Summary: Takes place after 2x08, not taking into account the second half of season 2. With Finn gone, Clarke is lost. Where can she turn when everything reminds her of him? But sometimes, we find comfort in the strangest places.
1. Chapter 1

**So I just found this on my phone and thought I'd upload it... Sorry if my autocorrect screwed anything up!**

**Enjoy!**

I sat down on the bed and stared at the tent flap. He's gone, no matter how long you stare at the door, he can't come through. You made sure he couldn't come back. You killed him.  
I snap out of my daze and glimpse down at my hands, the dried blood has settled into the cracks and crevices of my knuckles, it's going to take hours to get it off. Then it hits me... he's really gone, and the tears come. I don't even try to hold them back, what's the point? I give myself this time allowing my sobs to shake my body and drench my bed sheet.  
The tent flap rustles and I look up, my eyes are swollen and red from crying, so the figure isn't clear, but somehow I know it's him. Bellamy. I let the cries consume me once again, but then he's there. In a flash he's beside me gathering me in his arms and stroking my hair. 'Shh,' he whispers, 'shh.'  
It takes hours for my tears to subside, but Bellamy stays, not once letting going of me, not once ceasing to make me feel safe.  
'I killed him.' I mutter into his shirt, now saturated with tears.  
'No.' He replies strongly, ' you saved him.'  
'No!' I pull away from him and look him in the eye, my face feels tight and hard to move. 'I took the knife, and I killed him. You can't fix this one.'  
There's a moment of silence and I stare at him, seeing the sadness in his eyes... He misses him too. Eventually, he replied saying;  
'Finn was gone Clarke. We lost him long before he died. All you did was ease his pain, and I'm so proud of you.' Bellamy looks away, and I take some time to process what he said. He's right, I know that, but it doesn't help. It doesn't stop me missing him.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning I wake up with an arm draped across my abdomen, but it isn't my arm. I move my head and see Bellamy beside me. The pain and heartache of yesterday wash over me inflicting a new version of greif that threatens to pull me under, but it doesn't. I close my eyes and match my breathing to that of the boy beside me. After another moment, I'm okay... I'm empty, but able to stand up and change my clothes. I throw my legs out of the bed and almost stand in a basin of water. I look down and see the rag soaked in blood beside it. My hands are clean, Bellamy must have washed them as I slept. I dodge the basin and wander to my pile of clothes in the corner, pulling out a pair of well worn jeans and a fresh grey t-shirt beneath my blue jacket. Once dressed, I leave the tent, looking back to see Bellamy still sound asleep. I cant help but smile, he looks so peaceful. Maybe that's what Finn looks like now... Peaceful.  
I walk onto the compound to see people milling around going about their daily tasks. How can they? How can they just forget?  
I hear noise coming from the medical bay and go to help. Strapped to the table is Raven, with two members of the Guard wrestling to restrain her arms. 'Let me go!' She yells, her tone so frantic it's almost animalistic. She locks eyes with me and I see the hatred burning there stronger than ever before. My mother administers a sedative, and she's gone... But the look has been tattooed on my eyeballs. I cant forget what I've done... Raven will never let me forget.

Mom asks me if I want to stay and talk, sort the bottles in the cabinet... But I don't. I give no response, turn and walk out of the medical bay.  
When I reach the gates, I keep walking. None of the guards stop me, there's a truce on after all.  
I barely make it to the tree line before I feel a hand on my wrist. Bellamy moves in front of me, blocking my path and improving his grip my taking me by the upper arm.  
'This isn't the answer Princess.' He says forcefully, but with an underlying tone of sensitivity that I wouldn't have thought possible a few months ago.  
'I can't be there.' I say, my voice low and rough, 'I can't see their faces, blaming me for what I did.'  
'Nobody blames you.' Bellamy responds, his quiet demeanor prompting me to explode.  
'I do!' I scream, 'I blame me!' There's a moment of silence before the tears come., just long enough for me to slump to the ground. I'm weak. I've never been weak like this before, I can't be weak like this now. I feel Bellamy around me , his arms encasing me in a comforting embrace as he makes soft hushing noises that do nothing to calm the storm inside me.

Eventually, Bellamy manages to prise me off the ground and, guiding me by the hand, walks me back to camp. At first I wonder where we're going, its nowhere near my tent. Its only when he pulls back the flap to his own tent that i stop and consider what's going on.  
'I thought,' he begins to explain, 'I thought you might like a change of scenery.' I consider this, and then realise he has summarised why I went into the forest. I needed to be somewhere Finn wasn't, and this was the perfect place. I nod and he pulls me forward.

When I get into the tent, the first thing that I notice is the smell. It smells of Bellamy, as if the air in here is filled by him even though we've only been here for a short number of weeks. I look around and its much as I expected, a copy of the Mount Weather map is stuck to one wall with an array of multi-coloured routes and plans scribbled across it. Beneath the map is his weaponry, his old knife from the drop ship, his gun, a variety of bullets (some fresh and some only shells). But something catches my eye. Amongst the machines is a metallic square. Small in size and dull due to its obvious age.  
Taking a step closer, I see what it is and a wave of feeling passes through me. Its a picture frame holding a photo of Bellamy, Octavia and a woman, who must be their mother. The picture must have been taken when Octavia was only a few hours old and you can see the mix of terror and joy in his mothers eyes. Glad to have her girl alive and well, but knowing what lies in store. Bellamy on the other hand is looking at Octavia out of the corner of his eye, his signature big-brother, protective stance already established. I smile at the picture. This was a time when they were happy.  
'There it is' I hear Bellamy say, not realising he was so close behind me, 'I missed that smile.'  
I turn away from the picture and look at the boy standing before me now, he may have been forced to a life of terrible deeds, but that protectiveness never faded, only now its directed at me and I realise something... Its a feeling I haven't dreamed of since my father died. Protected.


	3. Chapter 3

I stay in his tent that night, finding comfort in the smell of him and the quiet darkness of his quarters. We never agree I'll stay the night, it just sort of happens. And he doesn't say a thing. For that I'm grateful.  
He disappears for a few minutes and returns with the top and shorts I use as pyjamas. He throws them at me, retrieves his own and leaves again.  
I change quickly, not wanting him to come back in with me half dressed. When done, I crawl under the sheets and wonder how they're still warm as we approach the winter months. I lie on my side. A moment after my head hits the pillow sleep takes me.

The next morning, I wake up to the feeling of his arms around me again. I'm beginning to get used to this. At first, I consider getting out of the tent again, but something holds me there, keeping my back glued to his chest.  
I close my eyes again and try to imagine its Finns arms around me. But I can't. This embrace is nothing like any I ever got from Finn. Its strong and affectionate at the same time, a combination I didn't think was possible. I know I shouldn't keep lying here. I should leave. I should go to work. But the weight of the last few days smothers me, making me grip this moment as if my life depends on it.

When I finally pull myself from my sleep the arm is gone. I finally manage to coax myself out of bed pulling on my clothes and moving to the door in one swift motion.  
As I pull on my second boot the tent flap rustles and Bellamy returns yielding two apples and two mugs of coffee.  
He holds his bounty high and giving me a lopsided smile says 'Breakfast?'  
'Yeah,' I say, relieved to still have his company, 'breakfast sounds good.'


	4. Chapter 4

The next few days are strangely perfect. The truce means our focus is in Mount Weather and my time with Bellamy slowly begins to heal the hole Finn left. Its another week before Raven speaks to me, but when she does there's no anger left, only sadness.  
I become closer to Bellamy than I ever thought possible. So when he decides to go to Mount Weather the pain fills me anew, somehow stronger than with Finn. Bellamy's choosing to leave me.

The day he's due to leave I stay in my tent, hoping to avoid saying goodbye. I couldn't cope with that.  
You can imagine my surprise when he appears at my door.  
'Well?' He says as I avert my eyes from his pained gaze.  
'Well.' I respond, wishing he would just leave quietly. Its clear that isn't going to happen  
'For God sake Clarke, look at me!' When I don't he moves in front of me, leaning to catch my eye. 'What did I do?' He asks, his obvious desperation catching me off guard.  
'You didn't do anything.' I say, trying to keep the emotion from my voice.  
'Then why Clarke? Why after I try to make you happy have I done the complete opposite?'  
'What?' I ask, not fully understanding his statement.  
'I know you miss Finn, and the only thing I can possibly think of to help you is brining your people back. You've been toting their banner from the beginning. I thought this was what you wanted.' He looks down but I pull him back with a touch to the cheek.  
'I do want our people back.' I say, 'But I don't want to lose you.' Understanding floods his face and his own hand comes to my cheek.  
'Clarke-' he stops, and I wonder if I said too much and look away. Before I'm even aware what's happening his lips are on mine.  
When I thought about kissing Bellamy - and no, I didn't do it often - I always imagined it would be out of anger, full of passion. But it's not. It's sweet, gentle... almost tentative, showing his fear that he might lose me or vice versa. Only when o deepen the kiss does it change, causing a low moan to escape his mouth before he mutters my name. He stands, his lips never leaving mine, pushing me down onto the bed and cupping my back with his hands. My own hands are in his hair and on his neck pulling him closer. I wish I was a reason he would stay. But, if I cant be that, at least I can be the reason he returns.


End file.
